what I am to you is not real

From a starburst poker night

"Volcano" --Damien Rice

I'm taking a sick day from work. I got five hours of sleep due to not being able to sleep. Ha. My nose is going nuts, my room was littered with used tissues until I cleaned up just a minute ago, my throat kinda hurts and I'm coughing like I have TB (ha ha). So I'm takin it easy today. I have the nicest friends and home teachers ever. They brought me meds and juice! So nice... :) And I had myself some chicken soup, watched some House, now I'm tidying up while listening to Pandora (which is being fantastic at the moment) and just enjoying the downtime.

I miss fall weather. I miss wearing long sleeves and sweatshirts and not having to shave.

Summer is going well. I'm liking the wacky weather actually. I know most people are mad that Utah's not being stable and just being hot and dry, but I'm so glad-- I'd be going crazy right now and never leaving the house. I don't like it when it's too hot unless I'm in the water. I miss lakes and oceans... anyways. I like the intermittent rain and dark clouds.

I'm kind of excited for summer term to start. I know that's weird. I also know I'll be eating my words soon. I think I'm going to be burnt out winter semester. But that's okay, I'll fight through it, on my way to victory, freedom, and a bachelor's degree! (Finally!)

Here's some photographic evidence of what I've been doing the past monthish:

Jamie's parents run Best of State-- a Utah competition for restaurants, businesses, etc. It was black tie and we volunteered. So fun!

Memorial Day pool party



Girls' night out! We dressed up and went out to eat then to a dance then watched a movie!

I have no idea what the h I'm doing or thinking or feeling and I can't seem to solve anything and I feel like a failure at everything I do, including just being happy.

baby you can drive my car

remember: it's not worldly things that will make you happy. you won't be happier if you do this or that or lose ten pounds or whatever. real happiness and joy comes from the gospel. now stop forgetting that.

my January friend

It's interesting and fascinating that each person you encounter in life is like a string of web leading you to attach to several other people, even if in a small tiny way. And each person that you have a friendship, a relationship, a short encounter with, is another person, is another connection, something that affects you and probably will come up again sometime in your life before you die. So many people. So many connections. It boggles me. I wonder how much I'll think about these people, people I've met and shared part of my life story with this year, will I remember them in ten? Will I still think about them? Have they impacted me?

Let them eat cake. Wedding cake. (from a reception last Sat)

it's too late for you and your white horse

• I am recently obsessed with Taylor Swift and Beyonce.
• My guitar neck cracked and it's in the shop. Please be more careful with it everybody. Many thanks. I miss it dearly.
• I need more money. I need more hours. I need actual work.
• I don't know how my schedule is working out next year. I don't know if I'll be able to afford school at all.
• I am kind of ridiculous when it comes to relationships. I think too much and have too many weird complexities that I need to analyze then get over. I feel sorry for whoever's on the other end. I wonder if he even knows what he's gotten himself into.. haha.
  
• I never shave.
• I want to be 15 pounds lighter by the end of the summer.
• I care a lot about what other people think.
• I get embarrassed easily.
• Florida was really really fun. It was so good to take a break. I'm in love with the beach. My back is as dark as a Bolivian's. Only my back though. Strange. I snorkeled for the first time. I played in white sand and warm ocean water for the first time. I absolutely loved it.
• Seattle was also really awesome. It's the first time I left and didn't want to. I love my family a ton. As crazy as they are... they are also pretty cool.
• I'm grateful for my car.

Florida!!! I found a hermit crab and was very excited.

musings of the first sunny day in awhile

sunset at Jeju Island, Korea

I just went running. It's beautiful outside. I sat out in the sun/shade reading from Alma. And for some reason I thought about scripture reading, which reminded me of something Lauren (Sister Truman) said to me last year. She said that she's noticed that I've changed, spiritually, for the better. And instead of me doing other things when she randomly comes over, I'll be reading my scriptures. I'm so glad she told me that because... I don't know. It just made me so happy. It made me realize that I really had changed. And thinking about it... yeah sometimes things do suck and things have been really hard this year, but yet, I'm still at such a good place, monumentally better than just a few years ago. And that makes me so so so happy.

My testimony is stronger than ever. I don't forget about God anymore, or not see His hand in things, or not talk to Him. I don't try to be rebellious for the sake of being different. I don't try to bend the rules or push the boundaries. Ok I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm coming off as self-righteous. I'm not trying to be! Because that's not the point. The point is the end product, the point is that I'm so so so much happier. And that doesn't mean like... happy all the time because I think I have been down more this year than others, but it means I'm at least just comforted in knowing someone is always there or... I don't know. I'm sorry, I wish I could explain this better. Maybe it's joy. Maybe it's just that knowledge of Christ brings me joy, not necessarily the happy emotion that flits around, but a constant just surety that is peaceful and comforting.

I don't know. I just feel different now than I did when I was a sophomore. I feel like I've grown a ton and gone through a ton and am feeling good about it.

I hope your finals are going well and that you're enjoying the sunshine even with the studying. :)

My life in photo form

My internship didn't win anything at the Showcase, but I still got to show off my work and pictures and talk to people about it. And a $50 gift card isn't bad either... :) **I forgot to say thank you to everyone who came to see my booth!!! You don't know how happy it made me-- thank you so much!! :):):)
Personally, I think my photos looked dang good.Someone had an Obama cut-out at their booth. Of course I couldn't resist..


Stir fry was the dinner for tonight. I'm trying to be healthier. I was inspired by Colin, while we were phlebotomizing tonight. I was 4 for 4 tonight! Not bad not bad, after a 2 week hiatus. Talked to a lady from Trujillo, Peru too. Good times.