remember to let him into your heart

Why is everything working out.. for once?

This time last year my life felt like a shambles. I had just gotten back from Bolivia and was having a really hard time adjusting. My dream job didn't work out like I had expected/planned, my best friend left for her mission and my other moved back home, leaving the last of the quartet to rely solely on each other for support. The boy was gone. Things just weren't what they were supposed to be.

The whole year was kind of hard. That first semester especially. Nothing particularly exciting happened, lots of bad things happened, then winter break finally rejuvenated me and I had a better winter semester.

But this time around? I got my dream job, that I tried not to expect this time, which made it an even grander surprise. My internship pulled through at the last second, so now I can still graduate on time and stay sane. My class and work schedules worked out wonderfully. I'm living in an apartment with all good friends. I've got a boy who really cares about me and makes me feel wonderful and we're so happy, so far. Things are good, everything is finally... working out.

It's really strange, I think. It makes me nervous for the storm that's certainly ahead. But I think for right now, I'll just be happy that life is good and things are going well. That's one thing I'm trying so so so hard to do right now-- be happy in the moment and take things one day at a time. Not be nervous about the future or living in the past. Just happy about today.

fearless

I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now

...you're absentmindedly makin me want you

and I don't know how it gets better than this
you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless

so baby drive slow, until we run out of road
I wanna stay right here in this passenger seat

well you stood there with me in the doorway
my hands shake I'm not usually this way but
you pull me in and I'm a little more brave
it's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something..
it's fearless

pues...

Welp. I'm done. With summer term. Why don't I feel good about it? I'll tell you why. The final for Soc was hard. And we got our papers back. That I worked a ton on. And what did I get? An 88. He said he was impressed with everyone's papers mostly, but that the only thing he saw wrong was if your thesis wasn't very clear and so your paper was scattered. Guess what he wrote on my paper. Yup.

Sigh.... I mean I calculated my GPA and if I get an A- it's okay, my GPA stays the same, but if I get an A it goes up by .01! Which sounds stupid, I know, but I really wanted at least ONE term or semester with a 4.0!!! Why??? Why can't I ever achieve it??? Stupid A-'s always getting in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry, I know I'm being a perfectionist, blah blah blah. Sigh. It's just how I am.

Hopefully Taylor Swift and cleaning my room will make me feel better..

-chocolate milk has 400 calories per bottle?!?!

-I was studying outside and this bird kept hopping around in the tree above me, then flying around and stuff. It was cool! Except I kept getting nervous that it would poop on me.

-I don't know what I'm doing for my internship this fall. My backup plan is to take cell bio and do 6 credits of internship in the winter. But that would mean 20 hours a week plus 20 hours a week of work plus 8 credits of other classes!!! Urgh... why won't people call or email me back?!

I gotta think of 3 good things about this day!

1. At least I rocked my stats stuff earlier. (Exams: 92, 100, 92, final: 97!!)
2. It was really beautiful early this morning, when I got up at 6:30am and headed up to campus to study (and retrieve my power cord I left in the library..). I really liked it, actually. Maybe I'll try to get up earlier more often. The air was so crisp! Not like this hot crap we got goin on now.
3. Nobody took my power cord! I'm glad I go to a university where less stealings occur.

Hey, let's add a fourth!

4. I get to hang out with a good friend and my sister-in-law and brother later tonight! I'm way excited. :)

how embarrassing.

my roommates work from 6am-3pm so they nap when they get home. they've only been doing this for a few weeks however, so i have no idea they're home when i get home now, because they used to work till 8pm every day. so today i was walking around in my underwear and i even talked to myself a little bit. i really hope they were still sleeping while i was doing so... but what if they were awake? haha...

Why do some people not listen when you talk? You're trusting them as a friend, telling them legitimate concerns, and they start shuffling through magazine ads. Are you really that boring? Are your concerns really that boring to them? Do they really not care THAT much? Seriously?

Why are people so rude? Why is just listening so hard? Why are some people so crappy at being a good friend?

Gah. Sometimes I hate people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xpY49Q2mjw

I'm being all poppy lately. As in practically all summer. Ha. Poppies...

espanyol.

I'm sitting at my booth, promoting international development internships, when these two Latinos come and ask questions and such. I tell them I did my internship in Bolivia. THEY STARTED TALKING TO ME IN SPANISH. But! It was okay! Even though I was so nervous I started sweating like crazy, I apparently did pretty well b/c they were super surprised and kept saying I had really good Spanish. :):):):):) I love it when that happens. It happened last week at the TRC too, the RM I was being taught with was like "Wow your Spanish is so good!!" Happy day.. :)

I really need to practice more though... what's that program at BYU where you talk with a native for an hour?