I've been feeling pretty crappy and overwhelmed all day. I banked on getting a phlebotomy job this summer and I have no back-up plan. Nobody's hiring. I hate living in this stupid college town where everyone and their mom is going into medicine and is trying to get experience. I called 8 places so far. I don't know what to do.
I can still work part-time at the Kennedy Center, but there's no way I'm only going to work part-time this summer. I don't want to get just some dumb job though, I really want to start working on my medical experience! If I'm applying in just a few years I really need to start NOW. I'm screwed!
And I already declined my spring/summer scholarships b/c I thought I'd just be working. So now I'm going to work part-time but not even have school. Ugh.
Plus I looked up PA pre-reqs for the schools I want to apply to finally and I have so much more to do. And all these dumb classes like stats and psychology. Ugh! I thought I would just take a few more chem and bio classes and be done with it. But now I might have to postpone graduation AGAIN. And that sucks. I just want to be DONE.
I don't know what to do. My whole plan is just effed up now.
But I started thinking about the big picture, and how this isn't exactly the end of the world. I can be grateful for the fact that I even have options, that I can even go to PA school. And it's ok if I graduate a bit late. And it's ok if I apply for PA school a bit late, if I need to wait before I get some good solid med experience. It's ok. It's not what I want, but... maybe I just need to patient and give that up. Sigh. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.
And I should remember what really matters in life, and what God wants from me and how they're always like He won't care what your job was or how much money you made, etc. So He'll be okay if I don't get into PA school right away or graduate right away. And I shouldn't let this stress overtake me and make me be a nasty person. Which I have been doing, unfortunately. I've been snappy and angry and feel like nobody understands or cares. Which is true, that is how I feel, and it makes me want to hole up and just be angry at everyone and not talk to them. I mostly hate how they're all happy and chipper and aren't sympathetic at all, just want to be in their own stupid happy mood. Yeah, I'm selfish. I'm working on it.
Anyways, I realize all these things but they're hard to implement. I'll try to be happier regardless of how crappy everything is. But no promises.
Memories of happier times:
2 comments:
you sound exactly like ashley, what with your "self-pep-talk" that sounds only half-convincing. it's only you two that do it, haha.
anyway, everybody and their mom, including my mom and your mom, is having a hard time finding work. :( keep on keepin-on and something will come your way. fighting!
Man, I love that picture.
Also, graduation is a lot harder than one thinks. I remember thinking when I graduated from high school that it was no big deal to graduate from anything - you just do your work, keep your head down and plow through. Not true with college, it seems.
Bleah.
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