musings of the first sunny day in awhile

sunset at Jeju Island, Korea

I just went running. It's beautiful outside. I sat out in the sun/shade reading from Alma. And for some reason I thought about scripture reading, which reminded me of something Lauren (Sister Truman) said to me last year. She said that she's noticed that I've changed, spiritually, for the better. And instead of me doing other things when she randomly comes over, I'll be reading my scriptures. I'm so glad she told me that because... I don't know. It just made me so happy. It made me realize that I really had changed. And thinking about it... yeah sometimes things do suck and things have been really hard this year, but yet, I'm still at such a good place, monumentally better than just a few years ago. And that makes me so so so happy.

My testimony is stronger than ever. I don't forget about God anymore, or not see His hand in things, or not talk to Him. I don't try to be rebellious for the sake of being different. I don't try to bend the rules or push the boundaries. Ok I'm starting to realize that maybe I'm coming off as self-righteous. I'm not trying to be! Because that's not the point. The point is the end product, the point is that I'm so so so much happier. And that doesn't mean like... happy all the time because I think I have been down more this year than others, but it means I'm at least just comforted in knowing someone is always there or... I don't know. I'm sorry, I wish I could explain this better. Maybe it's joy. Maybe it's just that knowledge of Christ brings me joy, not necessarily the happy emotion that flits around, but a constant just surety that is peaceful and comforting.

I don't know. I just feel different now than I did when I was a sophomore. I feel like I've grown a ton and gone through a ton and am feeling good about it.

I hope your finals are going well and that you're enjoying the sunshine even with the studying. :)