"your eyes"

I can't imagine myself getting married.

I can't imagine being so close to someone as to sharing a life with them. Someone knowing all my secrets, all the weird things I do, all my habits, all my likes and dislikes, pet peeves, things that make me super excited and happy, all of that. Knowing me that well. I don't know if anyone really knows me that well. I can't imagine someone knowing me that well. I don't know if I could let someone in to know me that well. Rather, if someone could really break me down to get to know me that well. To really know me.

Instead, I imagine the beginning of chick flicks. Some independent woman in her early 30s with a chic apartment, chilling by herself. Except that I wouldn't be that sad about it. I think. Ok obviously I would be sad about it. Having a family, being madly and completely in love, all that is what I really really do want. But at the same time, I would still love living on my own, decorating my apartment the way I want it and nobody else, spending my time reading, writing, listening to music, dancing and singing really loud by myself, playing music, baking, cooking, etc. That just sounds SO good. It sounds so fun! Maybe I'm just being naive and silly because I'd probably get tired of it soon and feel super lonely. But at this point in time, it sounds wonderful and I would love to do it.

Especially the cooking part. Learning how to cook and bake well. Looking up recipes, trying recipes, figuring it out on my own without anyone else's criticism. Just doing it solo. Flying solo. I want to fly solo.

I don't know. Having an empty apartment and complex this past break has given me a little taste of it and I liked it a lot. I only wish I had more time to do everything I wanted. But it's back to school, back to work, back to responsibility and contributing to society and my future.