a comet appears

I entered some photos into the Kennedy Center photo contest for all the students who went abroad the past school year. I got an honorable mention! Hundreds of photos are entered so it's pretty cool, plus my photo is hanging in the hallway of the Kennedy Center now for the rest of the year! You should check it out if you can...Here's the actual photo. I took it while we were hiking to Machu Picchu, at one of our little rest areas. His family lived in the shack that we stopped at; they sell water and gatorade and snacks to the hikers for their living. They had a bunch of guinea pigs inside too! Breeding them for dinner... so this kid was just chilling outside while we were resting so I snapped a pic of him. Wouldn't have done so if Kendal hadn't first.. so thanks to her!!

Random tidbit: They have glass gatorade/powerade bottles. Isn't that so weird? They were cool though. So refreshing.

it's not too late for love

I want someone to watch old romantic classics with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW-0kUUOHQA

finding a replacement with a heart serrated, i'll forget you --architecture in helsinki

I refuse to stay indoors today! My mom's coming home in a few hours and we are going to GO OUT. I couldn't be more excited-- finally! Civilization! Except that the whole city shuts down when it snows so I don't know if anyone will even be out... seriously, driving around, it's like a ghost town. Nobody is out. The roads are clear (but full of snow... haha badum ching) and nobody's out. There are a few people bundled up like the dickens hiking up the hills of Bellevue. That's about it. Crazy!

Until then, I've found some free piano sheet music online (got the idea from my cousin Ashley who has a bunch of Regina Spektor songs) so I'll play some piano before we leave. I haven't played, really played, in so long.. I'm excited. I've missed it.

Other than that, haven't really done much all break yet. But! I also haven't scheduled or written anything in my planner or set my alarm clock at all which is amazing, really. No lists! No schedules! It's incredible! (Yet I'm about to kind of schedule out the rest of my break right now... but hey, I lasted like 4 days which is pretty dang good for me.) I think maybe I should try to schedule my life less. Plan less. Just kind of write down what I have to do but not time it out exactly. Maybe life will be more enjoyable. Maybe? I should try it.

It was good to talk to Renee today. An hour and a half on the phone! We were always good at long phone chats, haha. It felt good to talk to someone who really understood what I'm going through, have gone through, etc. Way good. It's good to have good friends.

I'm listening to Architecture in Helsinki, a band I've forgotten about. I like them a lot. Kinda weird at first, but gooood stuff. Yup. Man. I really want to head to Half Price books and just browse for like hours. They have good books and music for cheap. So nice. And Pandora has introduced me to a bunch of great bands I want to get all the CDs for. I should do that sometime. If this effing snow ever clears up, ha.

tengo la camisa negra (juanes)

I am such a greaseball.

I really need to take a shower. But I just started my laundry. And I didn't have time to do laundry in Provo so I just brought it all home in plastic bags. Ha. So I need some clean panties and socks.. so I have to wait to shower.

So I'm this greasy gray mess (I'm wearing all grey sweats) sitting at the computer trying to finish my MBA final (halfway done! Eat that, Zimbabwe!) while listening to Spanish music on Pandora.

I finished translating which was great. I feel pretty accomplished, having translated an 8 page report on microcredit into Spanish. It just sounds cool to say. Ha. Even though it was a pucha to translate.

Being home is a little strange. Because it's so normal. I feel like I've been here forever. At the same time, I feel like I could drive a few minutes and get back to my apartment in Provo. Everything has blurred together so that it's not exciting or new to go anywhere anymore. How strange.

It was great seeing Caroline though! She and Jason came into the airport and stalked me while I was waiting for my baggage. We spazzed out screaming and such so everyone thought we were crazy so I made sure to say "It's been so freaking long! A year and 8 months!" so people knew why we were so ridiculously excited to see each other. Ha. She slept over last night, like old times, and I baked cookies, for the millionth time this month, and it was just a nice normal night.

Maybe since I'm still doing schoolwork it doesn't feel any different. It just feels like school still. (Ooo about a boy music just came on Pandora. Speaking of which I'm reading the book right now and it's hard to not play the movie in my head as I go along. It's good stuff. Also, it references "Groundhog Day" which is so funny b/c we all watched it last night b/c it was the only non-church movie in our house. Hahaha.) Maybe once I finish this final and start to play it really will feel like break, like I'm home. Yeah, that makes sense.

Jason's laptop is SO NICE. It's just an Acer, it was only like $400 but it is amazing. It's small, light, sleek, comfortable, I'm in love with it. I wish I could get the same one for the same price. But I think I have to hunt around for something else. I think I'm not going to get an HP anymore though b/c they are pretty heavy. But they look so pretty... haha. And I don't want a Dell b/c I hear of people having problems with them frequently... hum. What do you think? Leave me a comment, tell me what laptop you'd get.

So I haven't seen anybody yet. Haven't even seen Kacie and her fam yet b/c they live all the way in Fife. And oh yeah, how could I forget, it snowed buckets here so the roads are all crazy and dangerous. Plus we only have one working car for my whole family so I haven't gone anywhere for that reason too. But yeah it's so funny, Seattle never gets snow so the whole plowing the streets business? Doesn't happen. Seriously. I'll post a pic in a bit. It's so funny to me. And also silly and frustrating b/c everywhere is so hilly so I don't want to drive anywhere, I'm too scared. But yeah. Oh Seattle/Bellevue... shuts down when it gets snowy... hilarious.

And that's the break update for today. Back to Liberia, and how to help its new president fix her country.

may the force be with you

i love my dad. i got kind of mad at him yesterday because he last minute emailed to ask me to play flute on sunday at church and then again at the korean branch christmas party. i haven't played in over a year plus i was so stressed (still am) with finals i didn't want to think about embarrassing myself in front of a bunch of people-- ya feel me? anyways. so i explained how this week has been really crappy etc.. so he wrote back. and after a little pep spiel, he wrote, "May the force be with you!!! -Papa"

how cool is that? my dad is friggin sweet. he writes that a lot on his emails when he's trying to motivate us and stuff. i remember going on trek my first time when i was 14 and our parents wrote us letters that the "pony express" brought to us the third day or whatnot. and he totally made all these star wars analogies. i think i was leia and ted was luke and he was just talkin about the force and stuff. it was sooooo funny. and also touching so i probably cried. haha. he's pretty awesome.

más:
-interviewed 3 people for my internship. good stuff. i got sick of interviews at the end. it was a packed day though, which was nice. i like being busy at work.
-i'm taking home a bunch of books about guatemala. i get paid for reading and learning about it! i love my job.
-cleaned up my room. started packing. i think it's funny that every single year i've gone home for break i bring this huuuuge suitcase and can't fit anything and always worry about the weight and stuff. but this time i'm using the suitcase i went to bolivia with, which is a lot smaller. just knowing that i lived for 3 months off the things in that suitcase make me know i can live 2 1/2 weeks with the things in it again. haha. i used to be such an overpacker. side note: i am soooo grateful i packed light when i went to bolivia. it made everything SO much easier holy cow. and i really don't need much at all. silly silly.
-andrea's bridal shower was tonight. i was going to buy her a box of condoms to go with the "date night basket" jill and jessica put together. but i got nervous last second and didn't do it. good thing. nobody got her anything scandalous and she was like "you guys know me." phew. dodged that bullet. man, my bridal shower is going to be the most scandalicious thing ever. hahahaha
-i still have to finish that mba final. didn't even finish the zimbabwe question like i'd planned. pucha. but i think working on it over break won't be so bad. having more time, not being rushed, hopefully i'll be able to do better. and i'm starting not to care about grades anymore so maybe it's ok if i get a B in that class. i won't die, right?
-saw gabe at the testing center yesterday. she gave me good pep talks and convinced me not to die. that's a good thing. :) i'm feeling more pumped and motivated to let this year end with all of its awfulness and start fresh, a new leaf, a new chapter, however you want to call it! i'm ready to take on the world!!! ok not yet, but i will be after break. yeah!!!!! **anime pose of power/victory

that's it. this time tomorrow i'll be home. heck, in like 18 hours i'll be home. can't even believe it! oh man. merry christmas and happy new year everyone! be safe and RELAX and enjoy the break!!

bufandas

haha. that's just kinda funny. in an awful, twisted way.

cada vez que te busco te vas

I was just filling out a background check I have to do for my PA-shadowing internship class next semester (how awesome does that sound, by the way? I'm suuuuper excited, I miss hospitals/clinics) and I filled out the places I've lived in the past 7 years and it was 7 places. Crazy huh?? I know a lot of that is just moving at school but my family's moved back home every year since my first one here at BYU.

The house in Bellevue- GC.
Heritage Halls at BYU.
The house in Renton.
The Villa.
The house in Bellevue, the one we're in right now.
The Villa, different apt.
Bolivia.
Devere Court right now.

Crazy! I just thought it was kind of crazy.

tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air

**disclaimer: the subject has nothing to do with my entries. usually they're the song that's stuck in my head at the moment. just so you know.

So for my methods in health promotion class we've been watching these PBS series all semester about disparities and inequalities making people in America sick. It goes through racial barriers and how certain groups are unhealthy not from biological reasons but from inequality reasons that we've placed on them. This last episode was on Native Americans and how they have the highest rate of diabetes in the U.S. and how it's because we've exploited them and they live in poverty and have to rely on government handouts which end up just being junk food and canned food and how the nearest regular supermarket is an hour round trip away but is the only place with a good selection of fruits and vegetables and how there isn't anywhere to exercise, etc etc. So I thought it was a good episode, showed a lot of health disparities and how we need to legislate in those areas to get the neighborhoods cleaned up, build grocery stores closer by, etc. But this girl in my class, in my group just now, oh man..

She said she hated this last episode because she felt like she was just listening to people complain for 45 minutes. She said things like "I mean seriously? Stop complaining and go exercise. And they're all like 'There's nowhere to exercise' whatever they can exercise in their homes or whatever, you know?"

Seriously? Exercising in your home generally requires fitness equipment. Which generally requires a large sum of money. Which these people quite obviously don't have!!! How did she absolutely and completely miss the point of this episode, of this series, that there are health disparities for reasons such as poverty and how this inequality is making us sick. That's the point!! The point is they aren't like you, you silly little girl! They don't have money to spend on exercise equipment or the pounds of makeup you wear or expensive healthy foods or the nice clothes you have, the nice car you drive! That's why they're sick! Don't you get that?! They can't "just exercise inside". THAT'S THE POINT.

I don't know. It just riled me up. So I let it out through this. Some people. Some people just make me so...

maybe i will be fat and happy

I really really like food. No, really. In the sense that I associate it with happiness, with friends, fun, independence, all these random things. Whenever I picture myself doing something by myself it always involves food. Let me explain.

I love getting up early and getting some breakfast on my own, somewhere. Like the bakery down the street or the breakfast foods at the Cougareat. I love it! I don't know why. I loved it in Bolivia too, getting street food all the time. I think it's because it makes me feel like I'm a city girl, living in some big city where nobody makes food but they always just get it somewhere. On the go. I don't know why, but it just seems glamorous for me. You all know that I can't get up in the morning early, at least I avoid it as much as possible. But if there's food involved, I will get up. No doubt about it. What is it about food??

And concerning going out with friends, hanging out. Food is always involved, no ve? And I love trying new restaurants, new types of food. It's so.. fun!

It just makes me happy. It tastes delicious. It's an enjoyable experience. So I hate hate hate that I feel like I have to be super super thin to be attractive or happy or desirable or whatever. Because even if I ate more, I'd still be healthy. I don't think I'd be terribly overweight or at more risk for heart disease or anything. But I wouldn't be stick thin (not that I am right now anyway) or have a flat stomach or whatever or whatever. And that irritates me to no end. I go through phases of caring, then not caring and eating whatever I want, then feeling super fat and unattractive and caring again, etc. It goes on and on. I don't want to care anymore!! I want to eat what I want, healthily, but maybe more than the average supermodel or BYU female college student. I want to experience food and all the enjoyment that comes out of it! I love food! Why should I suppress that love??

Because I'm going to get fat and feel ugly that's why. Blah.

"your eyes"

I can't imagine myself getting married.

I can't imagine being so close to someone as to sharing a life with them. Someone knowing all my secrets, all the weird things I do, all my habits, all my likes and dislikes, pet peeves, things that make me super excited and happy, all of that. Knowing me that well. I don't know if anyone really knows me that well. I can't imagine someone knowing me that well. I don't know if I could let someone in to know me that well. Rather, if someone could really break me down to get to know me that well. To really know me.

Instead, I imagine the beginning of chick flicks. Some independent woman in her early 30s with a chic apartment, chilling by herself. Except that I wouldn't be that sad about it. I think. Ok obviously I would be sad about it. Having a family, being madly and completely in love, all that is what I really really do want. But at the same time, I would still love living on my own, decorating my apartment the way I want it and nobody else, spending my time reading, writing, listening to music, dancing and singing really loud by myself, playing music, baking, cooking, etc. That just sounds SO good. It sounds so fun! Maybe I'm just being naive and silly because I'd probably get tired of it soon and feel super lonely. But at this point in time, it sounds wonderful and I would love to do it.

Especially the cooking part. Learning how to cook and bake well. Looking up recipes, trying recipes, figuring it out on my own without anyone else's criticism. Just doing it solo. Flying solo. I want to fly solo.

I don't know. Having an empty apartment and complex this past break has given me a little taste of it and I liked it a lot. I only wish I had more time to do everything I wanted. But it's back to school, back to work, back to responsibility and contributing to society and my future.

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. ~Kahlil Gibran

A few Sundays ago my friend Kyle and I went up to Sundance to take some pictures of nature. It was so pretty outside!! I am loving this extended fall weather. Anyway, I'd never been up there before so it was really cool, the winding canyon roads up while listening to Portuguese covers of David Bowie... it was a cool experience. It was really pretty up there (and cold) so here are a few of the fruits of my labors:

I don't know how to rotate the pictures... sorry.








This picture should be at the top. But this is my first time posting pictures and... yeah. Anyhow. I found five bucks on the trail! How sweet is that?? Pretty dang sweet I would say..

Empowering Women

Due to having so many fun things scheduled this weekend, I was unable to do any homework, including things due today. So I hitched a ride with Kyle to campus early this morning (7:40ish am!! You know that's early for me) even though he didn't have class (sorry about that still!) to work on some assignments.

I was working on an ePress release, a news release for my health methods of promotion class. My group is doing rape prevention so my article is on the high rates of rape in Utah. I know! It's astounding! Anyway, we have a website up with our fact sheet, backgrounder, and press releases on the subject. I think it's worth checking out-- good, new information that may be useful or helpful to you now or in the future.

Now time to continue writing a report on microcredit for the LDS Employment Resource Services in Paraguay. I've done the background research but now I'm applying it specifically to their situation. I should post that when I'm done too, also interesting and relevant information.

I think I'm going to get a breakfast bagel or some other type of delicious breakfast food after this. To reward myself for actually getting up and doing some work this morning.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR THANKSGIVING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone else's heart pumping someone else's blood

This song has been stuck in my head non-stop for the past few days. I actually looked up the lyrics today and realized how amazing and inspiring they are! A good mantra for life. So I'm going to post the second verse for your viewing pleasure-- it's the one that hit me so hard.

"On the Radio" -Regina Spektor
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

but the pardons never come from upstairs

BYU devotional today was Lynn Truss, author of "Eats, Shoots & Leaves." She is a British writer, has also written a book titled "Talk to the Hand" about manners/rude people/that general topic, and is hilarious. She was really witty and just... so funny! I'm inspired to read these books and I hope you do too. She basically talked about "The End of Literacy" and how punctuation is there to make things clearer yet people think it's so complicated they use it either incorrectly or not at all, causing much more confusion than necessary. I guess I liked her so much because I totally get where she's coming from. If I read anything I negate them as not credible if I find spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. I just don't understand how people have gone through elementary school without learning the very VERY simple rules of apostrophes, commas, and basic spelling. I don't understand it. She went through several examples of how using them incorrectly completely changes the meaning of the sentence to things rather hilarious actually. Anyway, she's a great speaker. I'm excited to read those books. Maybe over break!

In other news, cheese fries are still delicious and I need to start eating healthier. I also need to start working on my research paper on heart disease, as the library closes in an hour and a half and I have no computer operating system at home.

glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria

I was wandering through the BYU Campus Craft and Floral store and that song was playing. I used to be one of those people that hated Christmas music early, before Thanksgiving, or even right after. But now.. I embrace it. I love it! I love Christmas! I love everything about it! I even love the Hallmark scheme of making billions off of holidays! I love that they make billions! Because it means they create these amazing cards of awesomeness that are so adorable or touching and just make people happy.

That includes all the holiday decorations. The Santa plates, the snowman mugs, the random decorations that you can fill your house with. I'm so excited to have my own home and have money to splurge on these things. I'm going to have the most decorated house ever!!! But not in a gaudy way, a classy way, that just looks... awesome. Yes.

Flowers too! Flowers are so awesome too. That you can make these beautiful arrangements that have just... these color schemes that match so perfectly and they're just so... beautiful!

I seriously could be Martha Stewart. I wish I was better at that kind of stuff though.

I really want to go to Color-Me-Mine and make a holiday plate. Bowl. Mug thing. I saw some at the BYU Bookstore... they're so freaking cool!!!! I swear, I could window shop this kinda stuff forever.. I'm also excited to go to Riverwoods and go Christmas shopping!!!!!!!! And get hot chocolate and be bundled up and watch the shoppers and the families and the pretty decorations and lights in the trees, etc etc etc...

I also really want to spend a Sunday or Saturday afternoon just sitting in my living room watching a movie while making Christmas cards and painting and baking cookies and being happy. Enjoying my favorite things to do. Doesn't that sound so relaxing and wonderful???

That's all this post is about. I'm really excited about Christmas. And any other holiday, for that matter.

and it breaks my heart

...or my stomach.

You know that feeling of just.. it just hits you. In your stomach. It's just this awful whomp to the pit of your stomach. And it just hurts. It's one of the most unique feelings ever, I think. I hate it when it happens. I just got it. I don't like it. It hurts.

Things in life like this are just so weird. You think you're okay, then you realize how not you are. You go through phases of happiness, everything's going to be fine, then you wonder how, how will everything be fine, how can everything be fine when I feel like this? Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever get over it?

Time, it'll all take time. I wonder what else God has in store for me. I hope it's good.

Eternal perspective, right?

Right..

something to sleep to

"Dark Halls" -Au Revoir Simone
"Something to Sleep to" -Michelle Branch
"There She Goes" -Sixpence None the Richer
"Sleeping to Dream" -Jason Mraz
"Push" -Matchbox Twenty (but I usually don't like them)
"Wrong Impression" -Natalie Imbruglia
"Suddenly I See" -KT Tunstall
"Fidelity" -Regina Spektor

pandora is doing a good job today!!

oh man, it's going into spanish mode...

"Te Quiero" -Flex

oh? just kidding

"Love Song" -Sara Bareilles
"You (Or Somebody Like You)" -Gordie Sampson
"Not Tonight" -Tegan and Sara
"Paint's Peeling" -Rilo Kiley
"Not Your Year" -The Weepies
"I Found a Reason" -Cat Power
"Young Pilgrims" -The Shins
"Fake Plastic Trees (acoustic)" -Radiohead **as on the Clueless soundtrack... hahaha
"Not Too Late" -Norah Jones
"Breathe Me" -Sia
"Summer in the City" -Regina Spektor

well, my ears hurt from these blasted ear phones. no more pandora for today.

school gets in the way of my learning

I skipped part of one class and all of another to go see this lecture/panel type thing at the Kennedy Center. They were discussing what changes in the presidency will occur, that type of thing. I was pleasantly surprised that they were pretty unbiased concerning partisanship, which was refreshing at this school. I think one of the most irritating things is how narrow-minded and.. just... I can't think of the word. But people just use the most emotionally-triggering words that don't really say anything. Like socialist, communist. Do they really know what they're saying? What they're even talking about? I highly doubt it. But one person says it and they all chime in without actually thinking about what they're saying. It's so irritating! People. People are just irritating. Ok ok, people can be irritating.

They talked a lot about how President Obama has a lot of goodwill already, not just with the American public, but internationally, which will help him be successful. And how he's good at selling his issues and policies to people, which will also help him internationally. But how campaigning is a lot different from actually being in office. And obviously inheriting two wars, an economic crisis, and a whole lot of other problems will be difficult to manage. I wish him the best and hope the 46% will do the same.

In other news, I have never seen so much rain in Provo! It's rather nice. It really does feel like back home, the gray drearyness that I miss so much. I know, I shouldn't miss it at all. But I do, mostly because it triggers memories of walking to class in high school, heck just living there and living in that weather all the time. It's the memories I miss, not the grayness exactly. No ve?

I guess I should take advantage of this downtime to do homework.

there's a hole in our bathroom ceiling

no kyle, I'm not going to change it.

The delicious foods I've consumed today:

• Sausage and egg breakfast bagel: so good!!
  
• Cranberry juice- the only downside is that it wasn't 100% juice. only 25%. pucha.
• Pudding on the Rice: amaretto + raspberry + dark chocolate chips. SO GOOD. I wish I had better descriptions than just "so good." Kyle you can stop now.
• Corn nuts: I only eat the Original flavor. We would get Costco packages of corn nuts when I was little but we only ever ate the Original ones so there would just be this huge buildup of other flavored corn nuts in our pantry. Actually, I think I only ever eat original flavored things. I don't like the other ones.
  

Maintenance came yesterday to fix the hole in our bathroom ceiling. But all they did was make a bigger hole. So now we just have a gaping hole in our ceiling. And lots of fruit flies. So much for the Taj Mahal.